


Want What You Want

by Huggle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining Sam Winchester, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:47:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5171798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huggle/pseuds/Huggle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam does his best not to make it obvious he needs to be part of what Dean and Cas have going.</p>
<p>He fails miserably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want What You Want

**Author's Note:**

> For an SPN Kink meme prompt that asked for pining!Sam.

Sam loves his brother.

He’s made sacrifices for him that are beyond nightmare material, and he’d do it again without even having to give it a thought. Anything that keeps Dean safe and sane, makes Dean happy, that stops him thinking the only thing he should be looking for in life is the fire exit, is okay by Sam.

It takes him a while to realise that ‘thing’ is Castiel. 

It takes him far less time to realise he should have seen it before now. 

And he’s okay with it, he really is. Looking after Dean sometimes takes everything he has, until he’s running on empty but still has to find extra reserves from somewhere. Now he’s sharing the load, and that’s good, that’s great. 

Even if he sometimes feels its absence like a loss. Which is crazy because he’s not some kind of masochist.

But sometimes he envies Castiel. It isn’t a competition – Dean doesn’t have to choose between them. They are both different things to him and for him, and Sam tries to make it sting less by telling himself neither of them will eclipse the other. They are both just in different orbits around Dean, keeping him centred and stable.

It takes him more than a while to realise the problem isn’t that he feels Cas has supplanted him in Dean’s life.

The problem is that what they have is something he can’t be a part of, and he didn’t realise how badly he wanted that until he saw that he just couldn’t have it.

::

To be fair to them, they don’t flaunt it or shove it in his face. To the people they encounter – on hunts, or ill-advised day trips like the time Dean said Sea World would be awesome but didn’t tell Cas he’d probably end up soaked by a splash happy killer whale, or when they’re scamming drunk guys in bars – they’re three friends. That’s all.

Sometimes, someone will think all three of them are brothers. 

No one ever seems to spot that when they go back to the bunker, and Cas can stay over, he and Dean go back to the same room, and the same bed.

Maybe Sam is a masochist because more than once he’s jerked off to that notion. Lies there and wonders what it would be like to lie between them, watching Dean need and know he _can_ and Cas just lock himself down so that the only thing he’s aware of is where and who he’s with and what they’re going to do to him and he’s going to do to them.

That’s certainly not something he can imagine Cas sharing over the airways with his angelic siblings, even if they aren’t actively hunting him down these days.

They ramp it down even when it’s just the three of them, but Sam won’t grudge them the things that shouldn’t have to be avoided between two people in love. He isn’t quite sure how to tell them that so he ends up giving them as much space as possible. The distance hurts him, he can’t deny it – it just makes him feel further away from them when they’re only in the next room, or on the floor below, or a few feet behind him when he’s walked a little faster so they can stand a little closer to each other without feeling guilty about it.

It’s a workable solution, even if it isn’t perfect, so he’s ok with it.

Really, he is.

::

It’s a wall of a different sort, but he put it there so he can’t complain. Sometimes the cracks are barely visible and sometimes they’re feet wide and he has to get out on those days, just take the Impala and drive until he knows if he doesn’t turn around and start back, Cas will just come flying after him.

But it gives him a chance to repair the damage, to shore things up, and after a while it becomes what he’s used to.

It doesn’t really fail him until they decide to try out the old book of enchantments they find tucked away in one of the empty bedrooms at the bunker.

They think they know what it does, right up until Cas is suddenly there, snatching the book out of Sam’s hand and destroying it with a burst of light.

“You shouldn’t,” he says, and then Dean gives a pained groan and when Sam looks at his brother, Dean’s bleeding from the eyes.

It’s kind of a blur after that. He and Cas reach Dean at the same time, and stop him from just hitting the floor. Cas pushes Dean into Sam’s arms, and cups his brother’s face with both hands.

He spends the next few moments muttering hard and fast in Enochian, like he’s racing something, and Sam realises Cas is. He’s racing Dean’s death, trying to head it off, and as his brother twitches and bleeds in his arms Sam isn’t sure it’s a race the angel can win.

Then Dean arches so hard Sam almost can’t hold on to him and it’s done.

He can’t speak at first, can only see the look of concern and _fear_ on Castiel’s face as he watches Dean.

Then Dean’s trying to shrug them both off, complaining about personal space and how it was bad enough when it was just Cas but now Sam’s getting in on the action too.

Despite himself, Sam tilts Dean’s head back and to the side, and presses his mouth to his brother’s. Before he can reason with himself, remind himself this is just one big mistake, he cups a hand around the back of Castiel’s neck, and kisses him too.

After that there’s nothing else to do but pass Dean to Cas and take off like this is actually something he can run from.

::

The problem with that course of action is that they have an angel in the family. So by the time Sam reaches his room, and shuts the door behind him, he knows Cas is already there, which means Dean is too.

“Sam,” he said, voice low and rough and almost _hurt_.

But Dean will never use less words than he has to if some of them involve cursing. “What the fuck, Sam.”

And that’s it. Sam can imagine what they’re thinking and he doesn’t dare turn around because seeing it on their faces will be more than he can take.

“I know,” he mutters. He leans his forehead against the door, wonders if he runs this time, would they just let him go? He can’t decide if that’s what he wants, or not.

“Yeah, that’s your problem, little brother,” Dean says. “You always think you know and most times you just don’t.”

When Dean grabs his shoulders, yanks him around, he expects a punch or a shove or a look of hurt disgust. 

He doesn’t expect Dean to haul him forward so he can kiss him, and he doesn’t expect Dean to just slip his tongue inside his mouth.

When Dean finally steps back, it’s Sam’s turn to curse. “Dean, fuck, what are you doing?” Castiel is right there, in the room.

Dean laughs. It’s deep and full on but there’s no mockery there. If anything, Sam thinks he sounds relieved.

“Sam, if you don’t know what that was then I have totally failed you.”

He doesn’t dare to get it, because this can’t be happening. He looks to Cas, sure to see the reaction he expects on the angel’s face. But if anything, Cas just looks sad, and Sam feels an answering ache inside him.

He never wants to see Cas look like that, because he has often enough in the past.

“If this isn’t something you want, Sam, then you need to tell us now,” Cas says. “But if you tell us you don’t then I need to tell you now: I just won’t believe you.”

“What he’s trying to say,” Dean adds, “is that you are the most obvious little jerk I’ve ever seen. You think we didn’t notice you dragging yourself around like a whipped puppy? Watching us when you didn’t think we were watching you? Fuck, Sammy, you always have to do things the hard way.”

“Me?” Despite himself, Sam isn’t going to let that one go. “You’re telling me I do things-“

He can’t speak after that because Dean’s kissing him again, until they’re both breathless, and Sam has to kiss him back – he can’t stop himself. 

As soon as Dean steps back, his brother nods at their angel.

“We’re taking that as a declaration of your interest,” Castiel says, and then he puts his hand on Sam’s shoulder.

A second later, they’re both on the bed, and Dean leans back against the wall, arms folded, a smug smirk on his face.

Sam shoots him a look both questioning and worried. Dean responds with a shrug. 

“I want to watch this; honestly, Sammy, you have no idea what you’re letting yourself in for.”

Cas moves to kneel astride Sam. He takes off his coat, jacket and tie. Button by button, he opens his shirt, and Sam is almost but not distracted by Dean chuckling from his position by the wall.

“Made the mistake of tearing it off him the first time,” Dean says. “I did not hear the end of it for two whole days. Even though he just fixed it the moment we were done.”

Cas glances briefly over his shoulder. “I remember you whining like a child when you snagged your favourite T-shirt on a nail during our last hunt.”

Dean looks almost wounded. “It’s not the same, dude.”

“Of course not,” Cas says, and he looks at Sam and actually _rolls his eyes_.

Sam wonders if this is what they’re like when they have sex. Sometimes he imagines it as gentle and reassuring and sometimes he imagines it as intense, physical, his strong hard wired brother and the unbridled energy of the warrior from Heaven.

He hasn’t imagined them trading smart ass remarks back and forward like some kind of foreplay. Which, he guesses, was exactly what this was.

But Cas doesn’t say anything after that. Once his shirt is off, he grabs the hem of Sam’s t-shirt and encourages him to sit up enough so he can pull it off.

Sam isn’t used to being so passive during sex, but he’s still a little overwhelmed.

Cas soon pulls him out of it. “I believe in most cases this is a paired activity.” He gives Sam a pointed look.

If that was his last warning that they knew full well he was on with this, Sam figures he had better get with the program and right now.

He pulls Cas towards him, and kisses him, and it’s nothing like what he’d imagined. It’s better.

And as payback for insinuating that he wasn’t going to pull his weight here, Sam tilts Cas back enough so he can trail a path down his neck, to his collarbone, alternating between gentle and biting kisses, pausing only when he realises Cas is trembling against him.

“It’s okay,” Dean says. Sam realises his brother has stripped completely, and it isn’t the first time he’s seen Dean naked, but it’s certainly the first time it’s been like this. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve tried to break that angelic composure of his and got no fucking where. You’ll learn to feel him, Sammy, cause you sure as hell won’t hear him.”

_You’ll learn to feel him_ , Sam thinks, and he realises they’re going to keep him. Like this, in this, and for a moment the thought that he could have had this months ago, that he’s wasted so much time, is almost enough to make him collapse in on himself.

But he’s been wanting this for so long, he isn’t about to lose the opportunity by dwelling on what he’s nearly missed.

Dean comes up to kneel behind Cas, so they have him sandwiched between them. 

“Get back against the headboard,” Dean tells Sam, and Sam goes, does it on automatic pilot. “Get settled.”

Sam can almost read where his brother’s going with this, and he baulks a little. “Dean.” 

Cas reaches a hand to him then, and threads his fingers between Sam’s. His touch says everything, and so Sam quietens and waits.

“You and Sammy still got too many clothes on, Cas,” Dean says. There’s a hint of mischievous disapproval in his tone, and Cas gives a put upon sigh.

Sam gasps as he’s suddenly all naked, and so is Cas, and then Dean’s whispering “Get ready,” and he’s guiding Cas forward and Sam uses his free hand to support Cas and it’s just as well he’s been hard since Dean kissed him.

Because Dean just helps Cas lower himself right down onto him.

Sam tenses, because that has to hurt, and Castiel’s hand clenches around his. He shoots a worried glance at Dean, watches his brother mouth ‘angel lube’ and realises he shouldn’t be surprised at his brother’s lack of reverence especially when they’re in bed. All three of them. In the same bed.

Still, old habits die hard, and he stares bitchily at him, just because he can and Dean’s reaction is always worth it.

Sam’s hands are busy – one in Castiel’s, the other on the angel’s hip, steadying him, so Dean reaches around.

He fists Castiel’s cock with one hand and uses the other to stroke soothing circles across Castiel’s chest, murmuring to him all the time.

“I need to move,” Sam grates out, because as tight as Cas is around him, this is like standing toe on the line of the best fucking thing he’s ever had, and he can’t hold back any longer.

“Then move, Sammy. Nobody said you couldn’t.”

Dean leans back, breaking his hold with Cas, and Sam picks up the strain. He hugs Cas to him, loving how Cas wraps his arms around his, Sam’s, shoulders, like he knows this is going to be quite the ride.

No pun intended.

Sam intends to prove him right. 

He keeps Cas supported and steady and pulses into him, knowing what feels good, sure that Cas will feel good too, and knows he’s right when Cas starts to full on shake. Sam can almost feel electricity running through him, like a static charge wherever they’re in contact.

It doesn’t hurt. 

It feels fucking fantastic and he needs more of it, everywhere, right now.

When he comes, he shouts out so loud he’s glad they don’t actually have any neighbours here, and again he hears Dean laughing.

“Yeah,” Dean says. “I know, Sam. I know.”

Sam slumps back, bringing Cas with him, realising that maybe he came but Cas didn’t. 

“Cas,” he starts, but then Cas kisses him and reaches a hand back for Dean and then he comes. Quiet, intense, and it almost triggers Sam all over again.

“We got the weirdest angel in the garrison,” Dean says, but there’s no mistaking the fondness in his voice.

Sam doesn’t move, not with a blissed out angel draped over him like a throw. But he waves a hand at Dean in which he’s sure his brothers sees an offer of reciprocity.

Dean just shakes his head. “I want you two to get your strength back,” he says. “And then you are both going to take me apart.”

Sam grins at him, feels Castiel’s lips twitch in a smile against his neck. Yeah, he’s up for that.


End file.
